Sunday, February 4, 2007

Working Without A Net

I suppose it's for the best, since leftovers tend to sit in our fridge until they're unrecognizable. But still.

No leftover frozen embryos on a stick for us. It's the three they transferred or nothin'. According to the clinic, one of the three stragglers actually made it to blastocyst stage, but it was a sort of crumbly Grade 3 and, well, not worth freezing.

That news scared me. If none of these embryos I'm carrying sticks, it's back to square one. And of course I had to wonder if the three beautiful blastocysts we put in there yesterday have already met their demise. The thought of it made me nearly choke with fear.

And then I remembered that, as a good friend of mine constantly reminds me, I have this horrible tendency to go automatically to the Bad Scary Place Where Nothing Good Ever Happens, and that's just not rational. The fact that three of our embryos didn't make it to the freezer pales in comparison to all of the unexpected good news we've had this cycle. Plus, from what I've read, most people who do Day 5 transfers lose at least half of their embryos before Day 5. We lost none before Day 5. And the ones that made it in were all top grade.

As the same dear friend put it the other day, my job for the next two weeks is to be hopeful. I've got to keep focused on that. It helps that I've got a whole host of symptoms: I'm cranky, fatigued, sore-boobed, and alternately a little queasy and STARVING (after all, I'm eating for four!). Those symptoms could all be attributable to the progesterone and the HcG trigger shot, or they could mean something else. I don't know. But for now, I'm just going to hunker down and hope my little ass off.

12 comments:

GriGri said...

If your hope flags, dear Binky, there's heaps and piles of it coming your way from over here.

hope4future said...

Yes, and if you need more ass to hope off...please take some of mine. Plenty to go around there, I fear. Mutliplying cell vibes to you!!

Anonymous said...

damn, grigri and hope4future already snagged the two best lines!

I'm stuck with standard issue fervent hoping and thinking of all possible goodness your way. s'not such a bad thing...
-pocket_lemur

Megan said...
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Megan said...
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Megan said...

(Sorry I made such a mess on your comments section!! I haven't had enough coffee yet. But...)

I'm so excited for your 3 successful transfers! Wow! It sounds to me that your eggs are more sunny side up than scrambled. ;) I'm sending all of my best grow vibes to your cozy little uterus and it's strong little inhabitants. I have a really good feeling about this.

-geezlouise

kaooavdpa said...

Stick Stick Stick!

tammy said...

I'm sending you really good, sticky thoughts Binky. I know how hard it is to be hopeful, so I'll be hopeful for you and you can try it a little when you feel ready.

Anonymous said...

sending a basket of hope your way...

kz

geri/gerkat said...

Sticky, healthy, hopeful thoughts for you Binky. And you can also have some of my ass if you hope yours off.

MB said...

Binky!
Fantastic news, the lovely blasts. They transferred HUNDREDS of cells!!!Amazing.
I'm sorry you don't have any to freeze. It would be nice to know they were there, wouldn't it.
But you have what you need inside you, right now, and I'm sending every possible good feeling your way.
xxxooo
MB/GA/Julie

keril said...

I'm hoping, too! And since
I work best under pressure and without a net, I'm going to hold out hope that your little blasts do, too.