Wednesday, February 7, 2007


My mom suggested a few weeks ago that I write a post about why Atomic and I want children. Great idea, I said. And since then, it has been rolling around in my brain, banging against my other thoughts.

The banging got louder the other day when I looked at my friend's "Dear Birthmom" website. She and her husband are seeking to adopt, and the website included a lovely, heartfelt list of reasons why they want a child. It made me cry, and not just because it was such a perfect vision of parenthood. It struck me as so unfair that people all over the world pop out babies without even thinking, yet we infertiles have to justify our desire for children. That sucks.

The other reason for the banging in my brain is that, while I can think of many, many things I would love to do with my children, I have a hard time articulating why I want them. It's like trying to explain why I love eating. Or why I'm fond of breathing. The best I can do is to say that I want children because, in my heart, I am already a mother. I have a mother's love to give, and no one to give it to. It's the most primal desire I have ever had, and I would gladly give up eating and breathing to achieve it.


Anonymous said...

You shouldn't have to justify it. FWIW, when I was adopting I didn't look at any of the process as justifying my readiness/ability to be a parent. Because I new I was and should be a parent. Ditto for you. KZ

huntsv said...

It is unfair that we have to justify our desire. I hope that you don't have to do so much longer!

Jen said...

I'm sure it was my website you were referring to. But seriously, when hard-pressed, all of those things are just my hopes and dreams for parenthood. I'm still hard-pressed to come up with a reason I want to be a parent. But it's non-negotiable. I love what you said about already being a parent in your heart.