Obviously, the hormones have taken over my body quite completely. Certain parts have declared independence and formed their own autonomous (not to be confused with erogenous) zones. And then there are all those pings, aches, and twinges I've been obsessing about.
The completely whacked out, technicolor dreams (with guest appearances by Nicole Ritchie and Gavin Newsom) were the first sign of serious hormonal brain involvement. But now I think my basic common sense and judgment have been affected as well.
On the day of the embryo transfer, the nurse told me, in no uncertain terms, not to pee on a stick before my beta on Monday because it would be, and I quote, too early for the pee sticks to detect anything. (Emphasis in the original). Right. I know that. And, everyone knows you should test in the morning, when the hormones are most concentrated.
So what did I do? (No yelling out the answer).
I let my friend talk me into peeing on a stick yesterday. In the afternoon. After about a minute, I didn't see a second line, so I figured, negative. I got really upset. I stuck the stick in the garbage and put the kettle on for some tea.
Then, in an act of true desperation, I pulled the damn thing out of the garbage to look at it again and torture myself with it. At that point, I think just about 10 minutes had gone by, but I'm not sure because, well, apparently the hormones have shut down the part of my brain that can look at a clock and retain the information it sees there.
I saw a faintfaintfaint little teeny eensy beensy second line, in a somewhat rose-ish color. It was most likely an evaporation line, not an actual positive. Past the 10 minute mark, all bets are off.
So now I'm $8.99 poorer, put myself through a lot of grief, and am no better informed than I was before.
Perhaps there are some pearls of wisdom that I can glean from this experience:
1. Although this particular friend is one of my dearest and most reliable confidants, she is not infallible;
2. Never pee on a stick early;
3. Don't expect to find answers when there are none;
4. Don't make important decisions when I'm hormonal and Atomic's not around;
5. Reading premature pee sticks, like reading tea leaves or entrails, is ultimately a frustrating business and probably not worth the time.