Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Fall Down Seven Times, Stand Up Eight*

It's official. The short but inspiring reign of Cecil I is now over.

As is my wont, I am dealing with this latest loss by thinking thoughts about words. Medical words in particular. The medical world has such a charming way with words. Such creativity, all apparently designed to make us feel like crap about our bodies.

Women who dilate early have an "incompetent cervix," as if their cervixes didn't pay enough attention in cervix school and will be stuck in dead-end jobs for the rest of their lives. Women over 35 are considered of "advanced maternal age." (Watch it, sonny, or I'll clobber you with my gigantic pocketbook!)

And then there's my new favorite:
Habitual Aborter. Yes, friends, with this latest doomed embryo I have joined the exclusive club of Hab-Abs, as we like to call ourselves. We mostly hang out in dark alleys swilling rotgut, with torn stockings and bright orange lipstick smeared all over the filters of our Kools. You know, I thought about not having another miscarriage, but I can't help it! It's such a lousy habit! Hmmm. Maybe I'll just start biting my nails instead.

The good news is that it is better, statistically speaking, to have miscarried repeatedly than never to have conceived at all. In his wonderful book, Coming to Term, John Cohen writes that 70% of women who have miscarried three or more times will eventually go on to carry a normal pregnancy to term, even without any medical intervention at all.

I think my body is trying to tell me something: Keep trying!! These fertility treatments have not been failures, strictly speaking. There's some sort of spirit in there, I think, trying desperately to be born. I count these near misses as signals that if we keep at it, something, maybe, will eventually make it to term.




*This is the Japanese version of the proverb. The American version is, "Fall down once, sue the guy who owns the sidewalk."

14 comments:

french7 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
french7 said...

This is insane. WTF? If I knew getting pregnant was going to be this hard, I wouldn't have stood on my head and put Coke up there in high school.

Jen said...

Well, crap. I'm sorry to hear it. In any case, you made my day with your description of a hab-ab. I just may bring out my orange lipstick and red heels someday soon. Awesome.

tammy said...

Oh Binky, I'm so sorry. I have to say, that you have such a great sense of humor in the face of adversity. Sending you good thoughts.

Anjani said...

I'm so sorry, Binky. I wish the medical industry weren't so stupidly callous in their choice of terminology, and I wish that you didn't have to have any of these thrown at you at all. Sending you warm thoughts... and whisky.

- KCS

pocket_lemur said...

ahh Binky. this just bites. I'm thinking about you + Atomic and hoping that eighth time comes, well, a damn sight sooner than the eighth time.

huntsv said...

Binky, I'm so sorry. I really, really hope that the '8th' time is the charm for you and Atomic.

Anonymous said...

From one Hab-ab to another I'm sending you good thoughts. (My RE actually apologized when she had to add the DX code to my chart, since she knew I would see the code).

And I'll just remain as a glimmer of hope. THe 4th time was the charm for me...

KZ

Anonymous said...

Binky, sorry to hear about Cecil I and the official Hab-Ab status. Rooting for you to keep on truckin'.

--shell

Katy said...

I'm sorry, Binky. Yeah, western medicine definitely views the body as the ememy. Bad ovaries! Bad uterus! No walkies for you!

On the other hand, hey, 70%...I'd take those odds. Also, the Japanese/American translation? Hilarious.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, Binky. I'm thinking of you.

Maya

sapcat said...

I'm sorry Binky. Sending you good thoughts and support right now.

Georgia said...

I'm sorry, Binky...
And the terminology, yep, lame indeed.
I LOVED Coming to Term. Found it really helpful and hopeful and all that good stuff. And yeah, I'm a HabAb. Proud of it.

Anonymous said...

Binky is it. hi my name is Melissa, i wanted to ask you, have you found god? maybe he can can help you in your struggle. i won't ear bash you with cristian stuff, but god will give you what you want, i know he will, you just have to tuly belive in him & all your dreams will come true, can you go to church please.God is better than any doctor, that i know. i've never misscarried, but i had a stillborn son at 26weeks, i'm now seven weeks up the duff. i already have one son Oscar he's two in may, & i have know idea how that happened, alls i know is i had blocked tubes & P.C.O.S, had to of been him up there. if you wanna chat further, which i really hope you do! i'm here for you, my email address is nickham@chariot.net.au i'm 23yo & live in Austrailia, adelaide. i don't know what your going threw, but my heart & thoughts are with you. pls lets just talk eh?