On Nursing A Teething Infant

Am I insane
To entrust my tender skin
To this ferocious beast
With sharp teeth and claws, thrashing
Inflicting pain needlessly, heedlessly
And sometimes just for fun?

How can I be her rock, her mountain
When my flesh is made of flesh, not stone?

I am not your rock; I am your mother.
Now stop biting me and go to sleep.

Babies For Obama

Gabby's been an Obama supporter pretty much all her life. Apparently, she's not alone. Enjoy the slide show.

The Way We Consume

We went to Costco today to pick up a platter of sandwiches for our Obama phonebanking party. The Peanut rode in style in her car seat, in one of those humongous shopping carts, beaming at everyone in her cute little "My Mama's For Obama" onesie and her little blue leg warmers.  

As we left, I whispered to Atomic, "Uh-oh.  We don't have a receipt for her.  What if they stop us?" 

"Don't worry," he replied, "If we had gotten her at Costco, there would be 12 of her, she'd be wrapped in seventeen layers of impenetrable plastic, and each of her would weigh 40 pounds."

Here's a photo of Gabby in her Obama shirt explaining her views to Timmy the Sea Turtle, an undecided voter:

Quote of the Day

Jesus was a community organizer. Pontius Pilate was a governor.

And while I'm over here, did I hear old Cranky McGrumpypants correctly last night? Did he really suggest that soldiers returning from military service should be given positions teaching school without having to get a teaching credential? If I did hear correctly, why isn't anyone talking about what a completely absurd idea that is?

I have nothing but respect for our boys and girls in uniform. They volunteered to do a job that the rest of us wanted no part of, and they're paying a heavy price for our leaders' folly. I think they should have every advantage when they return home, including adequate health care (including mental health care) and substantial assistance with higher education and housing. The GI Bill should mean something again. If they want to come home and teach school, wonderful. Give them an education on the public's dime and give them the credentials and tools to do a good job. But to suggest that we should just skip all that fancy-schmancy elitist edumacashion and just plop them into a classroom? That's crazy talk.

Can you imagine?

"Johnny, where's your homework?"
"I fowgot it."
"Drop and give me 20!"
"Twenny whats?"
"Twenty push-ups, maggot!"
"Waaaaaaah! What's a maggot?"

****
"Sweetie, what did you learn at school today?"
"We learned about bawbed wire! And how to disawm a woadside bomb!"

****

Yeah, you get the picture.

Now, if in fact I did NOT hear that proposal correctly, well, in the words of Emily Latella, never mind.

The fact remains, though: McCain = total crackpot.

Russia's Foremost Design Expert

With apologies and thanks to Rosemary.

Let's All Send This Guy Some Email

My friends, meet Bobby May. Mr. May is a McCain campaign representative in Virginia, and in the fine, fine Republican tradition, he is doing a heckuva job.

He penned this HILARIOUS column about what an Obama administration would look like, including mandatory black liberation theology classes, raising taxes to buy drugs for his "inner city policital base," money for cans of spray paint to graffiti the White House, and foreign aid to Africa so the Obama family can "free their goats and live the American Dream."

Poor Mr. May. No one told him that you're only supposed to use the "N" word behind closed doors, in the company of like-minded people. Instead he unwittingly let the cat out of the bag. Ooopsie!

Now, let me be very clear here. This guy is not some random crackpot who spends all day in his pajamas spewing racist crap all over the interwebs. This gentleman WORKS FOR THE MCCAIN CAMPAIGN.

So, maybe we should all send Mr. May an email at bobbyleemay@yahoo.com and let him know what we think of his funny funny jokes!

The one I sent said,

"Dear Mr. May,

I read your column about what an Obama administration would look like, and I have to say you are doing an excellent job of representing John McCain. You really understand what he is all about, don't you?"

Please don't feel that you have to be as polite as I was. I think it highly probable that poor Mr. May will fail to detect the sarcasm oozing from my keyboard. He may just need one of you all to administer an electronic smack to the forehead.

You'd be doing a community service, really.

Go on. You know you want to.

Girl Gone Truthy

You know how when you're in a debate, and you're not sure what the question means, and sometimes, ya know, you just have to wing it?

And how sometimes you say stuff that's, ya know, something that didn't actually happen EXACTLY the way you're telling it but you really really want them to like you and not think that your internal dialogue sounds something like bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz like that all the time?

Ya, whattya call that?

Ooooh, right. Thaaaat's a lie!

Already Smarter Than Sarah Palin

She's not even in preschool yet, but this little girl is already smarter than the Republican Vice Presidential candidate.

Then again, so is my cat. You know, the one that stares at the wall a lot.

Maverick My Ass

Actually, make that George W. Bush's ass. In which John McCain has apparently inserted his nose so far that, well, I'll leave you to your own revolting images.

Ok, I'll wait here while you shower and try to scrub that image from your brain.

All better? No? Sorry 'bout that. Maybe now you're ready for the Bush/McCain Challenge.