Saturday, January 19, 2008

Parental Pop Quiz

1. After a sleepless night and a fussy morning, the Munchkin is finally asleep. What do you do?

(a) Take a super-efficient power nap and emerge energized and ready to face the next onslaught;

(b) Leap joyously into the bathroom for your first shower in days!

(c) Throw in a load of laundry, empty the dishwasher, write out a few thank-you notes, feed the cats, fold, sort, and put your maternity clothes in bins, and start dinner;
(d) Strap the wee one in a carrier and go for a power walk -- gotta get serious about losing that pregnancy weight;

(e) Break out the breast pump -- it's never too early to start laying in an emergency supply;

(f) Sit around grinning moronically at your sleeping darling while half-assedly updating your blog.

2. As you gaze at your three-week old daughter and stroke her face, she suddenly locks eyes with you and spreads the corners of her mouth wide. What do you make of this?

(a) You believe the parenting books, your friends, family, and all the experts in the world when they tell you it's just a random movement of facial muscles, devoid of any emotional content;

(b) You're convinced that your child is a prodigy, that she loves her mama deeply and has just bestowed upon you a heartfelt and authentic smile.

3. Your "prodigy" has a blowout on the changing table. How do you react?

(a) Move in with clean diapers and ninjalike swiftness to contain the damage;

(b) Calmly proceed to change the diaper, clothing, and changing pad cover while patiently explaining to your little one that Everyone Poops;

(c) Stand by and giggle helplessly while your grumpy husband wipes down the walls, the furniture, the baseboard heater . . .

4. Your sanity requires that you leave the house and get some fresh air. It's 55 degrees and mostly sunny outside. How do you dress your newborn for this jaunt?

(a) Pants, shirt, socks, and bear cub fleece with hood and feet;

(b) Same as above plus an undershirt and a hat;

(c) Footie pajamas and a swaddle blanket;

(d) Depends on whether she's traveling by stroller or sling;

(e) Whatever's cutest/has the least amount of spit-up on it.

Scoring: Give yourself five points for each answer, no matter which one you choose. Bonus points if you're wearing underwear, and if said underwear is clean, you are officially Ruler of the Universe and I bow to you.

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