Tuesday, June 12, 2007

A Refugee In Normalville

As I near the end of the first trimester, it is dawning on me that I may, in fact, have a baby come December. It is entirely possible that no horrible things will occur, that I will not be confined to a madhouse for a "long rest," that there will actually be a healthy, breathing human being emerging from my body in, oh, a little more than six months.

How is that possible?

If I do cross over into Normalville, will the residents there suspect that I'm a refugee from Heartbreak Town, across the tracks? Will my papers be in order? Will the Normalville Border Patrol come and knock on my door in the middle of the night to drag me back?

Or will I retreat into my little Normalville life and join the Normalville PTA and forget what it was like to live in Heartbreak Town? Will I stop calling my friends who still live there? If I do visit Heartbreak Town to see my old friends, will they throw tomatoes at me and slash my tires?

I'm not sure where I belong right now, emotionally. Even if I get my green card and settle down in Normalville permanently, I think I'll always have some mannerism, some accent, that identifies me as a refugee.

7 comments:

Lassie said...

I've heard it generally takes women who go through infertility until after menopause to feel normal again. Apparently, it doesn't matter if you've had a child or not, just takes that long. So, although you may always have a refugee accent in Normalville, I'm sure they embrace diversity...

all the best to you and yours

french7 said...

Yay! She'll be a Sag just like me!

gerkat said...

Binky, I have moved into a nice little suburb of Normalville, called SortaWeirdTown. Most of the time things there are nice and normal, but on occasion we're hit by a serious storm of anxiety and doubt. Usually blows over though. I can see the Normalville skyline from here. Looks nice. Want to join me? (We're due around the same time, so it would be lovely to have the company.)

Jill said...

Ahhh, I can relate to your post, my dear friend. I'm not sure where I belong these days, but I definitely don't feel normal. I can't forget what I've been through to get here. I'm branded with that refugee tatoo. My infertility and miscarriages are so much a part of me that I find myself telling people I don't even know that "it took us a long way to get here." If you find a nice balance, please share your secret b/c I'm still searching. XO!

theguywhoplayedthemusicatyourwedding said...

Uhm....wen were you ever normal ? And I mean that in a nice way....

theguywhoplayedthemusicatyourwedding said...

D'OH...I know how to spell "when"...dammit...

Chris said...

I read your story. Love it. Love your writing too. You are a great source of inspiration. I am also an infertility/miscarriage refugee and still trying to find Normalville on the map.