I know I'm not saying anything revolutionary by acknowledging that the inescapable marketing juggernaut of Mother's Day is very hard on those of us for whom motherhood has eluded our grasp, despite our yearning, our grief, our medical interventions and our willingness to undergo any torture or indignity.
I believe, because it comforts me to do so, that we become mothers at the moment we decide to have children, even if our children take a long time and a tortuous route to arrive in our arms. If injecting yourself with hormones, emptying the bank account to pay for fertility treatments, sobbing over each failed cycle, and generally putting your body and soul on a slab for the mere idea of a child doesn't make you a mother, I don't know what does.
And so, for those of you who got no flowers or cards today, those whose empty arms ached more than usual today, those who asked the universe "why me?" for the millionth time today, I honor you, on Mother's Day, for all that you have done and all that you are willing to do.
May your children find their way to you and bring you happiness and healing.
5 comments:
Thank you.
That was beautiful, and so true, Binky.
What a beautiful post Binky. -sapcat
Sweet Binky,
I hope this is not out of place - I apologize in advance if I offend anyone.
I thought of you often on Sunday - I am only sorry I did not take a moment to call you as well. Just so you know - No card, no flowers, I made my own dinner... Apollo spent the day taking care of Rabbit Boy so I could work all day on a commission. Sometimes it's not the material gifts - we are poor right now and paradoxically overworked as well. You _are_ already a mom - you have the care, compassion, deep love, all the things a mom should. You even have a wonderful Dad-to-be in Atomic and his care for you and your family to be. You are a family already. Your family will grow - we just can't be quite sure how yet. I know of no one who deserves a child more.
I hope you are as well as you can be. Even now, keep the middle path, hold your center, your deep roots - and you will bloom far longer and more beautifully than any bouquet. I think perhaps Mother's day belongs most to those who are mothers-in-waiting. If only every family who had children took a moment every day to be thankful for each other and honor each other and the sacrifices and and the joy that come, we would not need these Hallmark holidays.
This was such a beautiful post...
You are right - I think when you start to really want a child and put yourself through hell to try, you are a mom. Being a mom means making sacrifices for your child - and you are sacrificing so much right now.
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